Hi! My name is Estefania Roberts and up to July 25th, 2017 my life was what someone might describe as “perfect”, or at least close to it. Of course I’d had some losses and hard times (my parents got divorced when I was young; I moved from Colombia to the US when I was 13 , and my grandparents have all passed away), but nothing overly traumatic. My mom always ensured I was safe and I had a very happy childhood.
After what I considered “a terrible breakup” I embarked on a beautiful journey that led me to my husband Jonathan in 2012. We met, we fell in love, we got engaged in 2013, bought a house in 2014, and married in August of the same year. How perfect, right?
I always wanted to have children, but when I first got married I was so, so happy in my marriage. I was enjoying my husband, my wonderful job (at the same university as him), cool group of friends and being a “DINK” (double income, no kids) family.
I was approaching 30 (ok, I was like, 26 but everything after 25 sounded scary at the time) and was previously diagnosed with uterine fibroids. A condition that may or may not necessarily affect fertility and pregnancy. We were anticipating difficulty getting pregnant.
We decided to “start trying” after our second anniversary. We carefully planned that I was going to go off birth control in 2016 and we would naturally prevent until after a long-awaited cruise in April 2017. Everything worked out exactly like we had planned: Mother’s Day 2017 we found out I was pregnant.
We told our family and friends, we rejoiced, and anxiously waited for our eight week appointment to hear the baby’s heartbeat. On Jon’s 30th birthday we got to see our little love, all perfect and healthy.
The pregnancy was going amazingly well, the fibroids surprisingly did not cause any issues. I had nausea, as every other pregnant person, but nothing out of the ordinary.
Then, after I turned 13 weeks, I started feeling a different kind of sick. Nothing to be concerned about, I thought, since Google said I was fine. I came home on Tuesday, July 25th from work feeling a little sick and having lower back pains. My water broke at home and our nightmare began. I will go into full detail in future posts, so don’t you worry.
Long story short (not really), I caught an infection that forced my body to go into labor. At 14 weeks there was nothing that could be done to save the pregnancy and my sweet baby died in my womb that same Tuesday. There was nothing I could have done to prevent that invasive infection.
I gave birth to my son, Noah Eliot Roberts, on Wednesday July 26th. And our lives will never be the same.
So please join me in this journey–which is still too fresh–of grief, anger, doubt, joy and hope. The Lord, in His infinite sovereignty, has shown us a thousand and one miracles through Noah’s life and death.
Whether you know me personally or not (who am I kidding, hi mami!), thank you for taking the time and read my blog. I know there are a million things you could be doing right now (the internet has enough pictures of cats and baby goats to last us a lifetime). So I am very honored you decided to walk with me on this journey.
Thank you so much for joining me. I am so new at this and really don’t have a direction I’m going. But let’s explore this journey of grief together, shall we?
9 responses to “Who Am I and Why Am I Writing This?”
Off to a terrific start, Estefi ! I found it to be extremely engaging. It certainly sounds like the work of a seasoned writer! I hope it proves to be an emotionally cathartic experience that at least partially relieves the pain in your souls and the souls of any readers who are going through grief from any type of loss! / I sure hope to follow it, though there may be lag time of several days in between because I’ve been spending less time on Facebook lately. ( At least in reading the news feed. )
Hi aunt Ruth Ellen! Thank you for your comment 🙂 You dont necessarily need to go on Facebook to be notified of new posts. You can simply subscribe with your email on the little box on the right side and you will receive a nice email notifying you when there are new posts.
Again, thank you so so much! God Bless you!!
Eres demasiado valiente. Soy mama y nose como sobrevivir ain mis hijos, pero veo mujeres como tu que pasan por algo tan terrible y las admiro por el coraje con el que enfrentan esto. Dios te bendiga por compartir.tu historia y asi ser un gran testimonio para todas.
Marcela,
Muchas gracias por visitar el blog y tu comentario :). La verdad yo nunca pense pasar por esto pero solamente El Señor puede dar la fuerza para afrontar cualquier situacion que El permite en nuestra vida.:) Dios te bendiga!
Dear Estefi,
There is so much I could type right now but it would be nothing similar to how I feel, so I’ll try to express myself as much as I can through text (and not reply with a book lol).
I’m so very proud of your willingness to be open and vulnerable and I’m also so very proud that you have sought comfort in the Lord’s plan for you.
It’s important for us all to remind ourselves that we are all children of God, just like sweet Noah, and that we are so lucky to praise a God that takes care of us in ways we don’t understand and/or initially understand. We are not expected to fully understand God’s will but to accept God’s will is a conviction like no other.
May the Lord continue to guide you with love and humility in your heart.
With Love and Emotion,
Meli
My Meli, thank you so much for your love, support throughout this journey. You have been an amazing blessing in my life since I met you! Thank you for letting the Lord use you as a mentor, friend and sister! Again, thank you! Love you!!
Thank you for for sharing this hard journey with us. I’m looking forward to see how our Lord has minister to you like only He can. Your sister in Christ.
Vicky ✝
Thank you for visiting! I am so excited to share what The Lord has placed in my heart through the darkest time of all. Please stay tuned, as many more posts are coming your way!