We are so blessed to have the opportunity of visiting the mountains a couple times a year. The mountains of North Carolina are very special to us. Jon grew up vacationing there, and I have learned to love them as my own “home away from home” place. We got engaged at Deep Creek, Bryson City during late 2013.

Our last trip to NC was extra special because we planned it after losing Noah as a way of “escaping” to the mountains to spend time with each other. It was the first time we visited after having Noah.

On our drive there, Jon was tired and wanted to stretch his legs, so we decided to stop at Tallulah Gorge, Georgia – about two hours from the cabin. We went to a beautiful hill overlooking the gorge.

A sign at the overlook caught my attention. The sign pointed to a specific area across the gorge where a “prescribed burn” project begun a few years ago.

Fire… intentional fire in the woods.

I have heard of this before, but for the most part, when I think of fire plus the wilderness I assume it must equal catastrophe. I relate that to a lack of control, resulting in a tragedy. Much like what is going on in California right now.

I did a little bit of research on smokeybear.com (don’t worry, I wont write a lecture on prescribed fire) and basically, fire is a vital part of the environment and by creating a controlled fire, experts are actually aiding the environment. The controlled fire removes excess shrubs, encourages new growth of native trees, and helps maintain the habitat for local animals.

You see, even though I knew about controlled fires, their significance was never more clear than right now, during my own fire…

I understand the importance of these types of forest fires so much more now. I see the “shrubs” that the pain of losing Noah has removed in my life. I have seen new spiritual life growing in me after Noah’s death. The Smokeybear site also said that fire is one of the most important agents of change in nature. I could not agree more.

My life will forever be divided by before and after Noah. Not only because I love and miss my son, but because losing him has changed me for the absolute better. I refer to my “before-Noah” self as the old me. And most of the time, I am ashamed of who I used to be.

My Prescription

The incredible pain of losing Noah (the fire) is not outside of God’s plan. And by His grace He has provided the perfect “weather” conditions for us to go through this transformative pain. It has been rough, but God has provided people, places, and circumstances to hold us in the darkest of times.

Fire is referred to in the Bible in many different passages. I came across a blog post from a fellow grieving mom and I loved it! In her post, she refers to the story of the fiery furnace in Daniel 3, where Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are told to worship the idol of King Nebuchadnezzar or be thrown into the fiery furnace. They respond by basically saying, “God will deliver us from the furnace, but even if He doesn’t He’s still good.”

Even if God has not provided the people, places, and circumstances to hold us in this time, He is still good. Because God is good all the time.

Because even though God gave me my wonderful husband (who has been my rock), my mom, my in laws, my siblings (all 4 of them, including in laws), my nephews and niece, my friends, my wonderful place of work, my church, wonderful places such as North Carolina, the movie the little prince, songs, stories, the idea for this blog, and a million other miracles… His goodness in my life is not measured by that. Even if none of those people, places, and things were present in this fire. His goodness is.

Because the only Truth I need to have in my life is one: Christ died for me, and because He faced ultimate separation from God… I will never, ever be alone:

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

And He is all I need…