“May the day of my birth perish, and the night that said, ‘A boy is conceived!’ That day—may it turn to darkness; may God above not care about it; may no light shine on it.”
‭‭Job‬ ‭3:3-4‬

I did not experience much anger during the first few weeks after losing Noah. I was extremely sad and extremely joyful, but experienced only a few episodes of anger. During our anniversary trip to Clearwater, while doing my devotional in a beautiful balcony overlooking the Gulf of Mexico, The Lord gave me this word.

This verse is what Job said after all sorts of calamities (including the final one, the most devastating one, the death of his children).

While reading this verse the Lord spoke to me and said, “I know you do not regret getting pregnant with Noah (and I don’t, for a second), but if you cry and you are angry and you think or say that, I can take it. I understand.”

It brought tremendous peace to my heart because a scary thing about grief is that we don’t know how we’re going to feel from one minute to another. One moment you are peacefully happy and the next a crying infant next door sends you into an anxiety attack (true story).

I’m afraid I’m going to forget all of this. I am terrified of waking up one day and being like, “Noah who?” I am afraid, very afraid. But the peace of the Lord, the peace that surpasses my understanding is with me.

I know, rationally, that Job was glad he was born. Come on! It’s Job! A hero in the Bible!! But in his deep grief he cursed the day he was conceived… and that’s okay.

“God does not owe us an Answer, but in His Word, he gives us truths.” Wendy Blight