Right after we were told the news of Noah’s death, the doctor informed me that labor was going to be extremely painful, the most pain I will feel; excruciating pain for hours on end (you mean, harder than knowing my baby died?) Therefore, they were going to let me have as much pain medicine as I wanted, even an epidural.
That same night, the nurse placed an additional IV, separate from the one I already had for antibiotics. This new IV was in case I lost too much blood and needed a transfusion, also in case I wanted the pain medicine.
That IV was placed on my left wrist, right next to the pisiform bone (yeah, I googled that). It was the most excruciating pain I have felt in my life. I screamed, my mom and Jon cried. At the time I thought to myself, “I have to be strong, it will only get worse”.
Turns out labor wasn’t that bad. What I thought was going to be a pain-filled day (or more) of being in labor ended up being a few hours and not that much physical pain, to be honest. After exactly five hours and only one dose of–awesome–pain medication through the infamous IV, Noah was born.
When the nurse removed the IV from my wrist, she pointed out how huge it was and even asked, “How did you endure that?” Honestly, I don’t know… That IV felt like the most excruciating pain I have physically endured (and I have been through childbirth, people!) Weeks after being discharged from the hospital, I still had the mark where the needle went inside.
Finding the Bracelet
After everything, I knew I wanted to get a special piece of jewelry that would remind me of my Noah. I also decided I wanted a bracelet that would fall where that IV was placed. I wanted it to be a reminder that I can endure any pain, physical and emotional, with the Lord on my side.
On our anniversary trip to Clearwater, we took a day to look for the bracelet. Jon decided to get it from Pandora, since I had always dreamed of owning one of those famous charm bracelets. That day was very special. We found a jewelry store at a mall nearby and we made a wonderful day out of it. The mall was full of stores Jon loves (I call them geek stores… but I have been told that is not technically their name), we had an amazing lunch, and even got cookies. The mall had a Pandora store, but we ended up buying from a smaller jewelry store that sold Pandora. This store had the kindest, most amazing staff. When we were done choosing everything, we shared the meaning of the bracelet. The manager of the store shared her own experience with pregnancy loss with us. We were meant to be there!
We knew we wanted his initials, so we got the letters N E R. We originally wanted a dove charm, but they didn’t have one. However, they did have a prince charm, and since we watched “The Little Prince” the night before, I knew that charm was perfect, along with the moon and stars charm. The complete bracelet made me feel like I had my baby boy right there.
The bracelet is beautiful, and I wear it the same way I wear my wedding ring. I take it off because is not comfortable when I am at home, and I don’t see anything particularly special about the bracelet itself. But it reminds me of a deep relationship that will never change, at least not as long as I have this physical body.
More Than Jewelry
When I showed my mom the bracelet, she loved it and asked, “Is that the same hand you wear your watch?”… and I said, “Yes, I guess I will wear it over it.”
When I was driving home that same night I thought, “You know what? I am no longer going to wear a watch.” You know, I used to be the most controlling person in many aspects of my life. I constantly looked at my watch as a way of seeing “how much more time I have to enjoy this before the next activity.” As Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) said to Steve Trevor when he was showing her a watch for the first time: “That tiny thing tells you what to do?” I was letting my little silver watch tell me how to live my life.
And then Noah happened…
Noah taught me to enjoy the moment, because we truly don’t know what happens the next second. I can say I have been freed from the tendency of controlling and calculating every second of our lives to make sure we were not “missing out” and always “having fun”.
So I don’t wear a watch anymore. Of course I still need to know the time, since I work and have responsibilities, you know. But I have a phone, and most people around me wear watches.
Thank you Noah for showing me that time is nothing and time is everything… I love you for that…
And I also love my beautiful Pandora bracelet!
6 responses to “Noah’s Bracelet And What It Replaced In My Life…”
That bracelet is beautiful!!! What an awesome piece!!! 😀
Thank you!! I know, I love it. Always wanted one of those and I guess I was waiting for the perfect occasion 😀 Thanks for your stopping by and for your comment! 😀
Thanks for sharing. I remember that pain as if it was just a moment ago. I also remember that everything is part of His plan. As His children all He wants us to do is exactly what you are doing, that is to share how in the mids of our most challenging times He never leaves us but draw us closer into His arms full of love and comfort. Blessings.
Amen, Nadia! Thank you so much for your love and support throughout this time! God bless you!
I love the depth of your writings. And it is no wonder because you have such depth in the analysis of your life and experiences and how they relate in meaning. That ability to understand symbolism as you do is a gift from God that allows you to get past the superficial to the beneficial and even embrace the painful for what can be gained from it. Sharing those thoughts gives insight to those who don’t usually take the time, make the effort, or cannot see below the surface of things. May those insights lead others to seek the God of all wisdom whose word and Spirit can give understanding that goes even beyond what the best writers can express. (Psalm 147:5) –“Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.” / P.S. – I just had to chuckle when I read what a watch used to do to you because I was the same way except that for me instead of a watch it was a ‘to do’ list ! The second thing that cracked me up was your mention of ‘geek’ stores because I had just read earlier in the day a ‘comic meme’ that was posted by one of Jonathan’s friends and ‘liked’ by Jonathan. I sat there looking at it and remember thinking: ” I know this is supposed to be funny, should I ‘like’ it to show support for my nephew? That wouldn’t really be honest, would it since I don’t really think it’s very funny…must be ‘geek’ humor! ” Ha! Glad it’s not just me who sometimes fails to fully appreciate the technological !
Thank you for your encouragement Ruth Ellen! Heh yeah! you are not the only one confused by “geek” thinks lol. God bless!