You might recall that on my very first post I mentioned I was diagnosed with fibroids years before I was pregnant. Let me tell you a little bit more about these fibroids.

I’m not going to start explaining what a fibroid is, you have google for that. 😛 But I will share that I have known about them for about seven years and they have never caused me any issues. I was diagnosed during a routine exam and was warned by my gyno that they *might* cause fertility and/or pregnancy problems. Like I said before, I got pregnant really quick and my pregnancy was perfect, up to the point when I got the infection. I asked my doctor a million times if my fibroids caused Noah’s death and she reassured me that they absolutely did not interfere with the pregnancy. When he died, Noah was measuring exactly his age and was perfect.

My fibroids did play a part in the birthing and delivery experience. When I was told Noah had died, a D&C (surgery to remove the baby) was not an option due to the risk from the fibroids (I have shared more details on this when I shared my story on these two websites: Storiesfromthetrenches.org and OhBeehave.com.au). Had I not had fibroids, the doctor probably would have recommended a D&C to avoid the risk of the infection spreading. I would have definitely gone for the “less emotionally painful” route of a D&C–and I would have never met my little boy. So in a way, I am thankful those fibroids forced me to give birth to Noah.

Now, the “wonderful” doctor on call that delivered the news of the birth plan was less than kind (see what I did there? Reference to a previous post!).

He explained the delicate state that I was in. He explained that if the placenta was stuck after birth, I would have had to have surgery and the infection could spread to the uterus and my body and I would have had to have a hysterectomy (total removal of the uterus). He mentioned the word “hysterectomy” at least 10 times.

You think this is hard to read? Try hearing it 30 minutes after learning that your baby died…

After the doctor left the room, I was no longer only grieving the death of my baby. I was facing the possibility of–at 28 years old–losing the ability of carrying any more children. Jon texted all of our friends and families and asked for prayers “for the removal of the baby”…

My mom calls the night from July 25th to the 26th “the darkest night”. Those were, in fact, the darkest hours. I was afraid to face the reality that my baby was lost, I was also scared of losing my uterus… The nurse advised my mom and husband to rest, as, given the size and numbers of my fibroids, it was going to be a rough process.

If you know my story, you know that the delivery was successful. Two hours after the induction started my doctor explained the procedure and the options to remove the placenta if necessary (without mentioning the word “hysterectomy”). If the placenta was stuck and there were complications, a D&C (surgery) was the absolute last options after taking many other alternative steps.

Twenty minutes later, I called my nurse because I felt some pressure. I pushed and she looked down and said “the placenta came out first”… I will never forget her face and those words. It was nothing short of a miracle. Noah was born shortly after, they cut his umbilical cord and the rest is history. To this day, I remember my doctor’s beaming face (might have been a combination of the effects of Dilaudid with the bright lights in the Labor and delivery room) when she told me “you are done” with the biggest smile on her face. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. I not only met my perfect little boy, but we experienced another miracle.

While I was recovering in the hospital, the nurses and doctors mentioned the size of my fibroids and recommended I take care of them. When I was first diagnosed, I was very afraid of undergoing surgery to remove them, given the potential risks. However, the experience of losing a baby and learning about the risks of pregnancy with fibroids made me change my mind.

When the placenta came out first, all the doctors and nurses were so surprised. No one ever mentioned that this could be a possibility. Everyone assumed that the placenta was going to be on top and come last, or get stuck. So when I got home I googled “placenta first”. I came across many (horror) stories of women suffering from placenta previa during the second and third trimesters. Many of these women shared that they had fibroids and they caused various complications (including risk for their babies lives and their own lives).

Now, at the stage of my pregnancy that was not a concern, considering Noah was so small and it was so early. But had the pregnancy continued and I in fact was diagnosed with placenta previa, it would not have been good. (*Of course this is all based on Dr. Google and the horror stories shared online, my doctor never confirmed this). I also read enough stories of women going into pre-term labor due to fibroids and their babies dying. My heart broke for their losses, and I could only imagine the pain if that would have happened to me, or will happen in the future.

Right then I knew I had to take care of the fibroids. I talked to Jon and my mom and we all agreed I should look for a specialist. Shortly after (and I mean, that same day, hours later) my friend Genesis randomly texted me the information of an amazing doctor who treated her mom for fibroids. I researched him and he had amazing qualifications, reviews, and experience. I knew it was The Lord confirming this was the next step to take.

Moving Forward

I told Jon that I wanted the surgery to be at the beginning of the year. I did not know how the availability and scheduling with the doctor was going to work out, but in my heart I wanted to have the surgery before Noah’s due date. I wanted to feel like I am doing something, I am moving forward, in his honor. After the doctor determined that a surgery was the best treatment option in my situation, we went ahead and scheduled it. His only available day for January was the 18th. A week before Noah’s due date…

So here I am, about to have surgery tomorrow. Nervous out of my mind, but with a deep conviction this is the step that God is leading us to take. In a way, I feel like my Noah died to save me and his little siblings. I know it sounds weird, but I felt I was given a second chance to take care of this condition. There is something comforting about spending what would have been my baby’s birth day and my birthday (on the 30th) recovering from the surgery.

Could there be complications with the surgery? Yes, I actually have to sign a waiver consenting to a hysterectomy, if anything goes wrong. Am I guaranteed I will have a healthy pregnancy after the removal of the fibroids? Not at all, the infection could have easily happen in a fibroid-free uterus. Open abdominal surgery could also cause other fertility and pregnancy problems. Also, I will have to deliver all of my future babies via c-section. Not a big deal, but I have to grieve the option of having a natural vaginal birth ever again.

But whatever happens, The Lord is with me.

If the surgery is a success and my uterus is perfect and I conceive and birth another baby and get to parent him/her, He will be with me.

If I lose my uterus in the surgery, He will be with me.

Even if I lose my life, He will be with me…