Through the wonderful world of Social Media, I have been able to connect with so many other grieving moms. There is something so incredibly powerful about connecting with another woman on the other side of the world, who is going through the same thing. The internet is our modern miracle.

I have always been interested in grief, somehow drawn to it, unintentionally. No, I did not experience death in my life. I have my parents, did not get too attached to the grandparents that died when I was younger, and I did not even have pets dying (they were all stolen, I lived in a third world country…people actually steal dogs).

But grief and the process of grieving have always been interesting topics to me. It became even more apparent as I went to college and completed Graduate school in counseling. It was not my main focus, I wanted to work as a School counselor, but somehow, I found myself leaning towards grief. I stumbled upon blogs of people dealing with death and loss, I followed people on YouTube that were dealing with loss, especially miscarriage and stillbirth.

Three days after Noah’s death I re-watched some blogs from a couple who lost their first born at 25 weeks… My heart ached for her in such a different way. I mourned with her, not in a “Oh wow, can’t believe that happened to you” or in a “I can’t understand what you are feeling, as I have never been through that but I am sorry for you” (well-intentioned, but a bad thing to say to grieving parents).

My heart ached in a way that said, “I am here in the same storm, but I am aching for YOUR pain, not mine. My own grief is not what makes me cry with you, it’s the compassion that this grief has implanted in me, that makes me cry with you.”

The same thing happened with the lady who admitted me into the Hospital at the Emergency Room. She said “I know what you are going through.” I asked her “This late?” she said “22 weeks.” And my heart broke for HER. I looked at her in the eye and said the most genuine “I am sorry” I have ever given to a hurting person…

Pain and loss are universal. Every single human being has or will experience pain. And we are not meant to go through it alone. Throughout my grief journey, I have learned that the most helpful exchanges have come from people who are not afraid of sharing their pain, and from people who have welcomed my pain into their own lives. I also have learned that the least helpful “help” comes from those who look down on me in a “pitiful” way.

Compassion is beautiful, it grows from a humble place in our hearts which we allow our pain to radiate love and comfort others. It does not come from a prideful heart of using other’s pain to elevate ourselves to look down on the other person.

Let us mourn with each other. Let us sit in the rain and the mud and not be afraid of getting dirty. We might find the most beautiful relationships are born through the pain.