If you have ever lost a baby–or any family member for that matter–you know people struggle with what to say in these situations. A simple “I’m sorry” goes a long way. My least favorite: “Oh, you will have kids some day”… I try not to hold it against people when they say something that isn’t helpful. In my ignorance, I probably made some not-so-helpful comments to a grieving mom in the past.

The reason the “you will have your rainbow babies one day” comment hurts so much is because it implies that somehow, having more kids would replace losing Noah. I did have a son, and he died…

This post is not to bash anyone. As those comments are better than silence, believe me. As I said, I never have, and never will hold a comment against someone. I just want to share my experience and what I have learned in my grief journey. I might not know it all, but I know one thing for sure:

One pregnancy does not replace another pregnancy. One baby does not replace another baby.

The Book of Job

One of the most amazing resources throughout this journey has been a bible study my friend Meli shared with me. The plan is called “Suffering and Sovereignty” from the First5 app. It was a bible study on the book of Job, Lamentations and Ecclesiastes. The plan started July 31st, 2017, the week after we lost Noah. The timing was more than perfect.

The book of Job is absolutely amazing, not a book of Scripture that is often quoted, as it describes a lot of suffering. Anyone that claims God only lets good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people clearly has never read the book of Job.

You can read the entire book, as it contains an interesting perspective on suffering. Basically, Job was an awesome man of God, and absolutely everything was taken from him (including his children), some friends came and made some bad comments during his suffering. Job was faithful throughout the pain–even though he was mad, confused, and angry. After many years of physical and emotional suffering, God came through and set things straight. Job never found out why all of those horrible things happened to him, but God was faithful.

The prologue shows us that Job had ten children: seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys. ^[1] This was a big deal at the time, he was rich and was blameless and upright before God. The definition of a good man that has it all. (Think of a “good” person that has a good life, he was like the Bill Gates of the ancient times.)

We then find out that while Job was with his children having a celebration (drinking wine), a messenger came and told him the oxen and donkeys were attacked and killed. ^[2] While he was still speaking, another messenger came and told him the sheep were burned. (Can we stop and think about 7,000 sheep burning? Poor things!) ^[3] Then, while that messenger was still talking, another messenger came and told him his camels were stolen. ^[4] At this point it just feels like a bad joke, doesn’t it?

Then the final blow… While the last messenger was still speaking, another one came and told him his house collapsed, killing all ten of his children… ^[5] Then Job lost it…

Job’s Double Portion

The purpose of this post is not to tell you a story from the Bible like in a Sunday School class. Although the story is very interesting, and there is a lot of application throughout the book, I want to point out something very interesting:

The Epilogue tells us that “after Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. ^[6] He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. ^[7]

…And he also had ten children, seven sons and three daughters… ^[8]

Whether you believe the Bible is true or not, you have to admit it is pretty cool God gave Job twice as many sheep and camels and oxen and donkeys… But He gave him the same amount of sons and daughters that he had before. That was his double portion. Job had 10 children in heaven, who died at the beginning of the story, and another 10 children at the end of his life here on earth… He didn’t give him 20 children at the end, as this would have ended in 30 children (definitely a TLC show).

I am forever grateful for the amazing man of God who married us, Dave, for pointing this out. Donkeys are replaced with donkeys, sheep are replaced with sheep, camels are replaced with camels. Children are NOT replaced with other children.

No one will replace Noah. When (if) God allows me to have another baby, I will have twice as many children as I have now, I will have two children: Noah and his little sibling. And God will bless me with twice as much as I had before. I am blessed with one child today, his name is Noah Eliot Roberts, and I will love and miss him every day of my life here on earth.